My 2011 Birthday present

I am a person who knows the different between what we want and what we need. So, I will think twice before buying something. A few days ago, I saw a Tissot watch. It is very beautiful, elegant and expensive too. However, I never feel like owning it because I already have a Seiko watch which bought by my father few years ago. It was an expensive watch too. My parents know I like the new watch while they saw I putting it on. Actually I am just trying I did not mean to have it. My parents are the best parents in the world, so they plan to buy it for me secretly as next year birthday present. (Note: My birthday is on October). Haha.. still long away in the future. But my father let the cat out of the bag, as his is always acute. So, he brings me to the shop today, and wants me to have it. I refuse as it was too expensive, but I know my father very well. He will buy anything for us if he knows we like it. If we refuse to have it, he will get angry. Haha.. What a different and cute father right? He wants us to be happy but we don’t want to waste his money. This is what always bothering us. Hehe.. Anywhere, I got my watch today and they asked: “are you happy with your present?” I answered: “Of course. I am very happy.” Actually I feel heartache more than happy. But I will try be happy as I know what they did is for me to be happy. Dad, Mom.. I must have done something very good in my past life to have you both as my parents. I will do whatever I can to be your good daughter. I am sorry for letting you down most of the time. But I will be better.. Trust me…..

Angry and Sorry

Today I feel like getting out of the house, getting out of this family. I always feel that I m lucky to have such sweet family. But I feels different today. I m tired of my parents' style. They keep on blaming others for their unhappiness. They do not listen to my advices. I tried to consult them but I failed. Things changed and now I feel hard to communicate with them as we are in different area. I feel gloomy while my mom complain the same things to me again and agian, moreover she don't accept my advice. God, I am sorry. I know I should not behave in this way to my family. I m sorry for not patient enough. I am sorry for not caring enough. I am sorry for not loving enough. I am sorry..... But I can't control myself. Please forgive me......

Let it go

One thing that I am very sure about is, my dad is the best dad in the world. No one can even replace him. I am thankful and lucky enough to be his daughter. If i have next life, I wish to be his daughter again. My dad knows how to be a good dad but he does not know how to live happily. My dad has a working partner. What I can describe about his partner is, Superstition, Gossiper and Ridiculous. He does not attend any funeral as he worry that the dead will turn into a ghost and hunt him. Beside that, he rejected any foods or gifts given by people as he afraid that its contain black magic. Sometimes he will chat with God (He believe he is) and sometimes he will fight with the ghost and get "them" out from someone or somewhere. He even can predict my dad is going to blind after two years. His ignorance is driving my dad crazy. My dad get very angry and upset about him. My dad was not longer happy. Everyday my dad is thinking about what he had said and even trying to take revenge on him. My dad was losing his patient over him. We trying to pursue dad do not listen to his words but dad seems like holding it too tight and can't let it go. Dad, I just want to let you know that everyone responsible for their own happiness, no one can take it away unless they allowed to. Please just let it go and do not hold on to something that we cannot control. Let it go...

The Lake House

I watched "the lake house" today. The movie made me cry. Two people connect to each other in all the right places but at all the wrong times. Kate live in 2006 and Alex live in 2004. The time was the biggest separation between them. They love each other so much. But Kate decided to give up as she could not meet Alex in 2006. I started to cry when Kate notice that Alex was died in a car accident in 2005 and that's why she couldn't meet him in 2006. I was so touching. Can u imagine that you love someone so much but you are unable to touch, hold and hug him? How is your feeling when you know you both are separate by time not distance? I love this story. It made me feel pertaining and we was lucky to have someone we love besides us. keanu reeves and sandra bullock, I love you both... Nice movie.

Trap

I always feel like trapping in a cage. I was trying to escape but the cage seems to be too huge for me to get over it. Human like to complain and they also enjoying involve themselves in other people's stuff. They like to judge people based on their own opinion. No matter what others trying to do they want it to be in their ways. This is why i always feel like trapping. I was lock in the same cage with them. Any day, anytime I need to fulfill their opinion, following their ways. If not, I will going to be judge. I have to listen to thousand and thousand of judgments and their "correct" advice. I feel hopeless to escape, the harder I try the tougher I can escape. I don't know why.. but everything seems to hold me from leaving. I can't find the way for me to break out the cage... There must have some reasons...I guess....

Please release us

I decided to buy her some gift as I never buy anything for her before. I try to appreciate her and do something for her when I still have the chance. But I was wrong, what a stupid decision I have made. When I gave her the gift, she don't even want to reach out her hand. I feel so stupid at the moment for buying something for her. Then she keep saying I bought something useless, something that waste money......... Then she put the gift aside and don't even want to have a look on it. I was so angry. I m very regret to buy her the gift. I keep asking myself, Why I need to be her granddaughter? Why she need to stay with us and torture us? My family and I must owe her something in our previous life. So she came here for revenge. In her eye, we are the devils. She never appreciate what we did. She will keep complaining how bad we are. I feel so sad. In her eye, no matter how good we are, we are just rubbish that will never satisfied her. She always like to against our idea in conversation and still, she complaining we don't talk to her frequently. God.... Please tell me what can I do??? Whatever we do is wrong for her. No one will understand ours suffer. God... please release us... Please.........

Packing

Today, I have started to pack all my belonging. I realize that time pass by very fast. I have stay here for almost one year. I still remember the day when i was packing to Ipoh and now i m packing back to Taiping. I came here alone without any friends. But i am lucky to have my aunt here. She treat me well as her daughter. I m so comfortable staying with her. Thus, I m great to have many good colleagues over here. I will going to miss everyone over here. I miss those "crazy" time we have together. I miss the Malacca trip + Ipoh Trip. Although it is just a simple budget trip but i really enjoy every moment we have together. Thank God for giving me such a wonderful memories here. I hope that i will come back one day. Ipoh is such a wonderful place to live in. It remind me of one phases : Everything arise, everything fall away". I was coming and now I m leaving.

Lost

I had quit my job. I m planning to further my study in Singapore. I hope to expose to new things over there. But the fees is too expensive. It cost S$50,000. So it is around RM100,000. Where am i suppose to get such a lot of money? I don't know what to do. My heart asks me to have a try but my mind tell me that I am not afford to. What should I do now? Going to back to USM and study over there? But i am bored with the life over there. I had spent 4 years studying my degree there. I don't feel like going back. I keep asking myself what should i do? What should I do? I m stress. I m trying to avoid it by not thinking about it. This is the way to make me feel better but not the way to solve it. I really have no ideas. I m lost....

God bless the broken road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Her hair and her pain

Today i visited some Ipoh temples with my colleagues. We anjoyed the trip. We have lunch with salads and ice-cream together. Wah... it was awesome. After that, we plan to go shopping. On the way, i saw one of my colleague's car (who does not join us on the trip). So i call her and then she join us for the shopping. i was surprised to see her with her short hair. I asked her why and her answer is, she want to cut off all her misery. Something happend between her and her boyfriend. They broke up. I can feel the pain from her, it is very hurt. I hope that soon her pain will fade away. All the best my friend...

My view, their's view

"We like to keep what is pleasant and reject what is unpleasant but it is impossible to get rid of everything unpleasant and to keep everything that's pleasant." I like this phases, it remind me of what have happened just now. Some of my friends do not agree that i quit my job. they think i should not give up such a good job and if i give up, sure my new job will going to be worse. I m unhappy for they had told me. Why can't they be more supportive? Why can't they be more positive? Why can't they accept my decision without putting in theirs judgment? These are what inside my mind when i get to know theirs view. But i was wrong. I should not feel angry and unhappy for their opinions. Everyone have their own view and idea for something. We can't force everyone to agree and support us. Human are ego, we like everything to move in the way we want, but if something go against us, we feel angry and trying to blame others for what had happend. That's why we suffer with unhappiness and unsatisfactoriness. I m glad i m able to realize my mistake. Today,i learn something in my life. Seeing everything in RIGHT VIEW....

Which way to turn?

I submit my resignation letter 2 days ago. Many people asked me why? I also wonder why.. The environment seem to be prefect for me. I got a great job, good salary, nice colleagues, comfortable living environment (in my aunt's house with maid to settle every household for me). Then why i still want to leave? The reason is... I don't want to tied up myself just because of a "good" environment that everyone think it is. I m leading towards another direction which i m not sure about. Maybe it will be better or it will be worse. But i m ready for it.

Life purpose

Someone asked me a question today, when am i going to accept the "guy". My answer was, i don't feel like getting into a relationship. Then she asked, you still holding on the past? Then i wondering.. am i? But i don't think i am. After i came back from the dinner, my mind started to refresh all the sweet memories that happened between me n "him". It was very sweet and happy before but it was also bitter n suffer.

Everyone think that it is a "must" to date and get marry. But for me, it is just what our parents and grandparents told us so. I stared to discover my destiny, which is not to get marry but to achieve something. Something like Mother Teresa, Ajahn Chan and Princess Diana. Haha.. people might be thinking that am i losing my mind. But i know, i m not. This is what we suppose to do in this world, not only to fall in love, get marry and deliver baby. I saw the different side of our life purpose but most of the people just follow the way that everyone else used to go through. No one can said that which side is better, but you have to know your life purpose.The choices is in our hand. Can you see the other side?? Open the door of your heart, then you will discover it.

It takes a second to say I love you but a lifetime to show it

I saw a lot of dating couples holding hands together in the shopping mall. I wonder what love is. We love our partner so we hold their hand? We love them so we call them frequently? We love them so we get jealous easily? We love them so we need to be together? Will the love live forever? Every week I can read from the newspaper, many marriage couple is divorcing, many dating couple is breaking up. Then I wonder where the love is? Romance love will only stand for temporary, everyone will get bore and tired after being together with a same person for a particular times. Just like the Buddha said, everything is impermanent in this world so as romance love. It is easy to say I love you. But it is hard to do so.

Poor kitten

I discover a kitten outside (opposite of the road) of my house today. She cries and tries to find her’s mummy. She tries to go near to my dog. Maybe she is too young to differentiate between a cat and a dog. I don’t know how to describe my feeling when I saw her trying to cross the road to meet my dog. My dog is not friendly towards her. So I tried to block my dog for going near to her. Finally my papa and I are able to find a safety place for her. Hope that the others cats will accept her as a new member. This is what I can do for her. I am happy to give her a hand before the heavy rain. If we did not help her, I don’t know what will going to happen to her. I hope everyone will do the same to all the animals that need our help.